Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
