I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
