my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
