Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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