i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
