dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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