My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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