Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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