found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
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