I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
