Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
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