If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
