If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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