is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
