can we get nightvision for the apartment?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
