think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
