Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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