if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
