Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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