She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm sobbing to NWA
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
