You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
