my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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