Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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