was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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