Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
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