I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
