my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We are two peas in an std pod
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
