and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
