Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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