Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
