Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
