when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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