How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
