none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
