dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
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