Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
