Whatcha textin bout Willis?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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