I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
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