I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I touched a dick in church today
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
