i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
