covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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