I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize