You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
