Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
