And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
