Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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