omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
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