I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize