wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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