I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
