I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I smell stomach acid.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize