I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
