are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
