Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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