You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
