you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
