Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
