matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I looked at my own cervix.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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