So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
