have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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