your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
