3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
