I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
