ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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