she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
