i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
