where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
