Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize