I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
