Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
did i just pee glitter
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
