In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
a search helicopter?!
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
