Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Randomize
