please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Plan B is the new Plan A
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize