I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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