I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
