I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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