There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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