what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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