Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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