Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
