Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
