i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
