those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We have so much sex to catch up on
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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