someone threw a dead crab at me
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
