Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Dear god my vagina.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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