I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Can't talk, ducks in the car
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
