There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
