remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
