gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
