Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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