in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
