think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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