my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
