Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize